At times parents might witness their children saying “Mamma, I really don’t want to join the art class but my friend insisted and told me that he will not be my friend if I don’t join.” Children more often do not want to leave that comfort zone of friendship and experience a fear of being aloof. This is completely normal at their age but unknowingly they forget to set boundaries between need and need not end up becoming groupies or become over aggressive to defend themselves from the things, people they do not want to interact with.
When we communicate in our daily life communication styles play an important role. When one of your friends ask you to borrow your car but you need that desperately on that day, how do you respond? If you have a passive communication style you would agree with him and lend your car after filling the fuel. If you have an aggressive communication style you would yell at your friend and say some mean words or tell how important that car is to you. If you have an assertive communication style you would politely say ‘No’ and explain him the reasons and try to find other alternative ways so that your friend can get help in time. In the above example definitely, the last one has a positive impact. You can always communicate and stand up for yourself without being hurtful and mean.
When children communicate the styles matters a lot. We teach children tolerance, and patience but it should not be their ultimate communication style. So, how can one communicate which style would be better and how to teach children the same?
As adults, we need a lot of practice to learn this skill. Therefore, if we embark on assertiveness at an early age, it is easy for them to put boundaries and to maintain healthy relationships.
Teach them the difference between three communication style
Children are well-connected to stories, and hence when they talk about things they don’t like to say or do but end up doing the same, make them understand how body language works when they use different communication styles.
Usually in passive communication eye to eye contact is not always maintained, people have fear of rejection too. They are accommodating, and try to avoid conflicts. Aggressive communication is bossy, too dominating, hurt others by their words, react instantly, and never compromise with others. Assertive communicators are clear with what they want, a firm with their decision, respect theirs as well as others’ boundaries, and maintain good eye contact. Once children get to know the difference and act accordingly, it is easy for them to communicate.
Tell them to maintain eye contact and firm body language
When children talk about their boundaries, they need to be firm with their voices and thought. Maintaining eye contact is a sign of confident body language. Using proper tone and voice also is necessary because children need to be aware of the difference between arrogance and assertiveness. Along with these give them real-life scenarios for role-playing. For instance, ask your child what will you say to your best friend when he calls you to play but you have not done with your homework? Show me this scenario by role-playing. Children have fun doing these activities meanwhile they learn what are the consequences of being passive or aggressive.
Being assertive is a skill, and the children acquire this by exposing themselves to a different situation where they learn about assertiveness. Along with this modelling, appropriate behaviour will be beneficial as they have real-life examples in front of them. Teenagers who are assertive are less prone to peer pressure, drug abuse or alcohol abuse.
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