Even non venomous snake pretends that it is venomous, chameleon changes it’s colour just to protect from danger or some animals play dead.
These mechanisms are showcased just to protect from anything that threatens them. Humans are not excluded from these, they pretend to be strong, and stubborn to render themselves safe or in order not to be exploited by others. Children are no special and undergo these process. This is mainly to separate themselves from unpleasant events, actions or thoughts .
When people find it difficult to accept the reality or truth they use these mechanisms. When children are stressed out, when caregivers are emotionally distant from them or if they are exploited or abused children become defensive. However, for the outer world, it looks like the child is stubborn, arrogant or aloof.
So, let us discuss how children use different defense mechanisms and also the consequences of it.
Displacement
Have you ever noticed sometimes your children lash out at you or siblings for silly or no real reasons, it is because they feel their impulses are satisfied when they throw anger on object or people who are less likely problematic. They may not be aware about these displacement but it is just because they are overwhelmed by emotions and direct those emotions on others. For instance a boy might yell at his sister simply because at school that boy’s friend annoyed him. Here he cannot throw tantrums at his friend because he fears to lose the friendship. When parents notice these kind of behaviours confront the child and make the child understand the situation.
Denial
So what? I don’t care. A common phrase used by children when they cannot reach to the expectations set by them or parents. When they say so, they do care but they just deny the fact. This is one of the frequently used defense mechanism where children do not accept the reality. For instance a child might deny that he/she is not studying well and needs improvement instead deny the fact and play with friends.
In denial stage, it is important to identify the reasons behind their excuses or do not care attitude and explain the consequences. Your child may still not accept it, looks stubborn but do not skip this process.
Conversion
Have you ever witnessed your child complaining about stomach ache or head ache when there is an examination or periods which they do not like. This is how they transform their psychological distress into physical impairment. The physical pain may or may not be real but the psychological trauma is true. When your child falls sick whenever there is a Maths test or parents meeting it is important to take care of those events which disturb them. Sometimes the child may feel scared of the teacher or Maths assignments or in the past he/she might have faced embarrassment in front of students.
Rationalisation
After breaking the favourite toy the child might claim that forget it! It’s old I didn’t need it anymore. One more common defense mechanism children use which involves explaining an unacceptable behaviour in rational manner, avoiding the true reasons for the behaviour. In simple words they give all the credit to their achievement, success and blame others for their failures. For instance a child might blame the teacher or study method for scoring less instead of their own lack of preparation.
You might have observed, children give lot of excuses for their failures instead of accepting their mistakes and more often blame their classmates/friends or teachers. This way they protect their self-esteem and develop self-concept.
Ego defensive mechanisms are normal and this is how an individual protects herself/himself from danger but the worrying factor underlying in it is the consequences and over all effect on personality development. If they start to over use these attributes, it may affect their mental health.
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