News Karnataka
Thursday, February 09 2023

Why is it difficult to follow self-love?

self love
Photo Credit : Pixabay

Being a mother of a child, I often question myself do I really love myself when almost my all my time is dedicated to my child or family? Ofcourse no! Even if I have to make time for myself, I would get some biased responses from others saying that how can she forget her child and prioritise herself? Is she really a mother, how selfish!

Such comments obviously bring one’s confidence down. So we finally end up caring for others. Extending love and compassion towards others isn’t easy. But feeling love and compassion for ourselves is even more challenging.

self love

Why is it so hard to love ourselves? Sadly, we often treat ourselves in ways that we’d never treat others. What will it take to bring more compassion to ourselves? Many of us received the message that life is a struggle and that we don’t deserve the luxury of happiness. Perhaps we grew up with neglect or abuse rather than receiving the message that we have worth and value and that we’re loved.

Growing up with not enough acceptance and too much shame, we may cling to our shortcomings, past failures, and poor decisions. We minimise the good things about ourselves and our positive qualities.

Self-compassion begins by realising that we have a right to be happy.

Self-love and self-compassion are more than just being good to ourselves such as soaking in a hot tub, getting a massage, or buying ourselves flowers. Although these things might help, however, self-compassion is an inner job.

self love

Self-love comes from accepting yourself for who you are in this very moment. This includes looking at your insecurities and faults and shining a light on them. You may be unknowingly given the responsibility of getting acceptance from someone else. For example: expect a man to make you feel connected, or a boss to acknowledge your significance. This allows their opinion, approval, or acceptance to determine your value. So the moment you give an opportunity to do so, you lose yourself. However, self-love literally needs constant reminders and practice. It should not stop when you receive opinions. So start loving yourself because you are the one who is going to spend time with yourself in this whole journey of life.

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Ramya E.

The author is a counselor and lifeskills trainer who has trained over 2000 students. She holds an M.Sc. in Psychology.

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