Holiday gift-giving, often seen as a joyful tradition, can also become a source of stress for both parents and children, says a child psychologist from the University of Denver. She suggests that fewer, more thoughtful gifts—and more shared time—can lead to happier, calmer children.
Gift pressure affects parents and children
The psychologist, now an associate professor studying child development and parenting, reflects on her own childhood experience of competing for attention with a younger sibling. She notes that social expectations around buying gifts can be overwhelming, especially for families facing financial pressure, while children may experience complex emotions ranging from excitement to anxiety.
Children’s reactions to gifts, she explains, are closely linked to temperament—the innate way children experience and interact with the world. Since temperament is partly heritable, parents may unintentionally overwhelm children whose personalities differ from their own.
The ‘age rule’ for gifting
Young children have limited attention spans. As a simple guideline, the psychologist suggests matching the number of gifts to a child’s age—one gift for a one-year-old, two for a two-year-old, and so on, stopping at five. Most children, she says, do not need more than five gifts to feel satisfied.
Too many presents can reduce enjoyment and increase overstimulation, particularly for shy or sensitive children.
Shared excitement matters more than price
Rather than searching for a “perfect” toy that holds attention for hours, parents are encouraged to choose gifts they genuinely enjoy themselves. Children, especially younger ones, often mirror adult enthusiasm and are more likely to stay engaged when parents actively participate.
Why games are powerful gifts
Board and card games are highlighted as especially valuable. They are affordable, suitable for multiple age groups, and promote skills such as teamwork, patience, memory, and problem-solving.
Collaborative games help younger children learn cooperation, while classic board games teach older children how to handle losing, waiting their turn, and managing emotions. Playing together also strengthens family bonds and reduces stress.
Rethinking holiday expectations
The psychologist urges parents to view holidays from a child’s perspective. The combination of surprises, social expectations, bright lights, and attention can be overwhelming. Children are often expected to manage excitement, delay gratification, and respond politely—skills that are rarely taught explicitly.
Instead of focusing on buying more, she suggests investing in time, togetherness, and skill-building. These experiences help children develop focus, confidence, and emotional regulation.
Ultimately, she says, the most meaningful gift is not something wrapped, but time spent learning, playing, and growing together.