Chennai: Former India cricketer Laxman Sivaramakrishnan has shared a deeply personal account of his battle with depression, stigma, and alcohol dependency, revealing how damaging labels affected both his career and personal life.
Once considered one of India’s brightest young spin talents, Sivaramakrishnan made his international debut at just 17. However, his early promise was overshadowed by allegations of alcohol and drug abuse — claims he has strongly denied.
Early fame and damaging labels
Sivaramakrishnan recalled how rumours began circulating when he was still a teenager, labelling him an “alcoholic” and “drug addict”. He said such accusations were not only baseless but also deeply hurtful, especially given his age at the time.
“Imagine a 19-year-old being called an alcoholic and a drug addict,” he said, pointing out that he was underage during much of his early international career, making such claims implausible.
He added that racism and negative perceptions further compounded his challenges during his formative years in cricket.
Personal life affected by reputation
The impact of these labels extended beyond cricket and into his personal life. Sivaramakrishnan shared a striking anecdote about a matrimonial advertisement placed by his family.
Despite highlighting his credentials as an international cricketer and a property owner, the response was telling — there was not a single reply.
“It meant people had made my reputation so terrible that nobody wanted to let their daughter marry me,” he revealed, underlining the social stigma he faced.
Exit from Indian cricket
Sivaramakrishnan’s departure from the national team also left a lasting emotional impact.
He alleged that selectors asked him to publicly attribute his exclusion to fitness issues rather than performance. Refusing to comply, he chose not to misrepresent the situation.
“I said I won’t. If you want, you drop me,” he recalled, describing a turning point that effectively ended his international career following the 1987 World Cup.
Struggles during and after cricket
After his playing days, Sivaramakrishnan transitioned into commentary and remained a familiar voice in tournaments like the Indian Premier League.
However, the Covid-19 lockdown period proved particularly difficult. He described experiencing severe depression, marked by isolation, anxiety, and a sense of hopelessness.
“I didn’t want to see myself in the mirror,” he admitted, adding that he often relied on alcohol to cope with sleeplessness and emotional distress.
Mental health battle and recovery
The former cricketer revealed that his condition at times became alarming, with intrusive thoughts and hallucinations affecting his daily life.
He spoke candidly about moments of vulnerability, including fleeting suicidal thoughts during travel, highlighting the intensity of his mental health struggle.
Despite these challenges, Sivaramakrishnan’s reflections suggest a journey of awareness and resilience. He acknowledged how negative narratives and public judgement often worsened his condition.
“Every time, you manage to tangle yourself tighter and tighter,” he said, describing how internal struggles can intensify under external pressure.
Breaking the silence on mental health
Sivaramakrishnan’s candid revelations add to a growing conversation around mental health in sports, where athletes are increasingly speaking out about the pressures they face both during and after their careers.
His story underscores the importance of empathy, responsible public discourse, and support systems for individuals dealing with mental health challenges.
Conclusion
Laxman Sivaramakrishnan’s account is a powerful reminder of how early fame, public perception, and unverified allegations can deeply affect a person’s life.
By sharing his experiences, he not only sheds light on his own journey but also contributes to a broader understanding of mental health struggles in sport — an issue that continues to gain recognition in India and beyond.