Raising a teenage boy can sometimes leave parents wondering whether changes in behaviour are simply part of adolescence or signs of something more concerning.

For parents, recent reports involving sexual assault, sexual strangulation and degrading behaviour towards women have made those questions even more difficult. But according to a psychologist, some behaviours that initially worry parents may be a normal part of growing up.

A teenager becoming private, spending more time with friends, showing an interest in sex, seeking independence or occasionally saying something foolish does not automatically mean he is developing harmful attitudes.

The bigger warning sign may be a change in character

Adolescence involves testing boundaries and exploring different identities. One inappropriate joke, by itself, does not necessarily define a teenager’s character.

What deserves greater attention is a repeated pattern of behaviour.

Parents should be alert when disrespect towards girls becomes contempt, or when girls are repeatedly described as inferior, manipulative or merely sexual objects.

The psychologist also points to how boys respond when they hear the word “no”.

How does he handle rejection?

Parents can observe this long before questions about sexual relationships arise.

What happens when a teenager loses a place on a sports team, has his gaming time restricted, receives criticism from a teacher or discovers that someone he likes is not interested in him?

Being disappointed, embarrassed or angry is normal. The important question is whether he can eventually accept the situation and move forward.

If rejection repeatedly leads to rage, revenge or a desire to punish someone, parents may need to look more closely at the behaviour.

Learning to accept “no” is an important part of understanding consent.

Empathy matters more than fear of punishment

Another warning sign is a loss of empathy.

Parents should pay attention when another person’s embarrassment becomes entertainment, when compromising photographs are shared for amusement or when someone’s distress is treated as a joke.

Rather than asking only whether a child understands that his behaviour could lead to punishment, parents can ask a more important question: What do you think your actions felt like for the other person?

Understanding the harm caused is different from simply fearing the consequences.

Friends and pornography can shape attitudes

Peer influence is another area parents should watch. Teenagers may excuse harmful behaviour by saying everyone was doing it or that their friends thought it was funny.

Parents can help boys develop an internal sense of right and wrong that does not disappear when they are seeking approval from friends.

Pornography also needs to be discussed openly. Teenagers need to understand that pornography is not sex education, and that violence or degrading behaviour does not become acceptable simply because it appears online.

Boys need a positive idea of manhood

The goal should not be to make boys afraid of becoming “bad men”.

Instead, they need positive values such as self-control, responsibility, empathy, courage and respect.

They should learn that strength can include accepting rejection without retaliation, respecting boundaries and speaking up when friends cross a line.

Most teenage boys will grow into decent men. Rather than judging boys through the worst behaviour of a minority, parents can focus on giving them the values and judgement they will need when adults are no longer there to guide every decision.

Excerpt: A psychologist explains the behaviour parents should watch for in teenage boys, from disrespect and poor empathy to unhealthy responses to rejection.


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