“Laughter is an instant vacation.” said Milton Berle. Here at NK, we would like to contribute to lightening your mood in preparation for a meaningful and relaxed weekend. So here’s the tongue- in-cheek look at the events of the week gone by that you’ve been waiting for :)
This week, Sterlite Copper came a cropper and all dimensions of the word ‘fire’ were on view in Tuticorin. First, a mob set vehicles on fire, then TN coppers (pun intended) opened fire on them, and finally, Sterlite fired 32500 local labour indirectly employed by its smelter.
Sterlite Copper had gone down this road earlier too but, survived (through sheer bill power one would guess) to triumphantly repeat their torrid tale of pollution of air and water. But this time, the people around ‘smelt’er rat when the company announced its plans to double its capacity and posed a serious Shakespearean question to them – To shut or be shut! And they themselves would not shut up or allow themselves be shut up– not by the Collector (that quaint British Institutional legacy created in 1772, that is an anachronism of unempowered centrality in a post-independence governance system that claims decentralization as its USP) or the Superintendent of Police – not until they collaborated to fire at the fired up mob (some say in a targeted operation) that reports say, was ready to fire up the very office they were ensconced in.
Every event is designed to have a hero and a scape goat, as was this event. The two bureaucrats were made the scapegoats – they were transferred – while the heroes, both filmy and non-filmy descended on the city to engage in some smelting operations which included the extraction of TV air time free of cost. The PM and CM of course are not transferrable posts in our system. They are not even liable for suspension pending enquiry…
There’s a Karnataka history Multiple Choice aka KBC question going around on WhatsApp that sums up the events of the last week and the week before, aptly: Who was the Chief Minister of Karnataka in May 2018? A) Siddaramaiah B) Yeddyurappa C) Kumaraswamy D) AOTA (All of the Above).
If you can’t answer this question correctly, you would perhaps have pushed the NOTA button on the EVM on the 12th of May, or not gone anywhere near one, most likely the latter. Anyway, of the three options provided, the second one followed Siddaramaiah into the chair for 55 hours to be precise, before he resigned in tears. Aware that the Supreme Court had ordered a live telecast of the proceedings (for reasons other than branding) took a cue from his leader, and gave a speech of a life time in the Assembly. It reminded me so much of the lyrics of that famous Anne Murray song, ‘You needed me’. They go thus:
I cried a tear
You wiped it dry
I was confused
You cleared my mind
I sold my soul
You bought it back for me
And held me up
And gave me dignity
Somehow you needed me
Once the proposed live-in relationship failed, arranged marriage became an imperative. Despite strong anti-dowry laws, dowry negotiations were in full swing in the speculative public eye in the run up to the swearing-in of the new Chief Minister of Karnataka, the third option in MC Question. The Bridegroom’s party drove a pretty hard bargain, despite them being the ones needing the alliance most – they were getting old fast, besides running out of money to survive their old age. Sage voices on either side helped seal the marriage of convenience.
The marriage will be a tough affair. With both the groom and the bride wanting their own personal space, they are unlikely to spend more than the mandatory time in bed together. While the Bridegroom’s party is larger in size and the Bride’s smaller, (usually it’s the opposite) thier combined family troupe represent more than half of the population of Karnataka and possibly and hopefully this will help sustain ‘Pati aur Patni’ through their first year together without infidelity, despite the many temptations from the slighted Woh!
Woh is obviously not the quiet laying down type – Woh told all and sundry that it is an unholy alliance – not ordained by the(ir) script(ures) as the horror-scopes didn’t match – and refused to attend the ceremony or even bless the couple. Woh however, sent a representative in the form of a priest to administer the vows and bless the ceremony despite his reluctance. The guest list at the wedding was impressive and though the guests greeted each other like long lost friends, forked tongues, not unusual at such gatherings, were also on display. Later, some even spoke in tongues!
In a tragedy of proportions that matched Tuticorin, 11 people succumbed to the Nipah virus in Kozhikode in Kerala, including a nurse, who tended to the first stricken with the virus unwittingly without protection. The mother of two young children, devoted to her profession, she did what she had to do and paid for it with her life so that others may live including her husband and children. May God bless her and her family. The Nipah virus is incurable, like many of India’s problems, and only supportive care can be provided in the hope that the problem dissipates and dies a natural death which is what the TN Government thought would happen in Tuticorin for over 100 days – the tragedy there was that they did not provide supportive care.
Virat and Viral (not the Nipah type) – they go hand in twitter! Virat threw a fitness challenge on the social media dwarf (its height is limited to 140 characters) to the PM and his wife and received an immediate positive response from both and many others in a similar position whose lives and income depend on twitter likes, shares and TV time.
There followed an unexpected twist to this tale of witness to fitness through twitness, when the PM’s political rivals (not the same as Virat’s) metaphorically speaking, upended ice-buckets on him ala the ice-bucket challenge. They gave him additional challenges to accept and perform (none of them involving calisthenics, though some involved oral calisthenics – like an unscripted press conference and number calisthenics like reducing the fuel prices) which he is yet to accept. It is expected that his spirited response may come to them via EVM. It is evident that ice buckets don’t dampen his enthusiasm…
It is important that his rivals note that one cannot challenge the PM and get away lightly – He made it clear on the campaign trail in Karnataka referring of course to his bete noire the Congress. It is pure coincidence that our favourite Virat is suffering from a neck injury and will not play for Surrey in the English county championship to acclimatize himself ahead of India’s cricket tour of England.
The runaway fuel prices are singing the common man and the Central Government for different reasons. While the common man can only blame the Government – both central and State – the Governments have only themselves to blame. The Central Government raised taxes 9 times since 2014 and mopped up in excess of 2 and half lakh crores setting the fuel on fire. Now that they are perched on the edge of an ignited petrol bomb, they say that all they did was for us the common man – we must provide for our infrastructure (cars, bungalows, allowances and travel), security (the spg) and welfare (unbridled facilities) they say else how can we help you live a dignified life?
The pressure on prices is building rapidly with the US about to impose sanctions on Iran and Saudi Arabia targeting a minimum of 80 USD a barrel, with no upper limit in mind. Will India become the next Venezuela? Only time and the Petroleum Minister can tell. However there is a silver lining – While the Petrol price has become a self-igniting bomb in itself, petrol bombs used to torch vehicles are costlier and may force arsonists to think twice…..That theory though failed the test in Tuticorin and Kashmir, which brings me to the
Last Word:
The PM acclaimed Mudhol breed of loyalty (acclaimed in the campaign for the Karnataka Assembly when fuel prices remained frozen despite the hot weather) found a new fan in the Petroleum Minister this week. The Petroleum Minister hailing from Assam, had scheduled a meeting with the Oil Marketing Companies (a euphemism for the Petroleum Ministry that exceeds the definition of an euphemism) this week to discuss the fuel price crisis – He cancelled it as he was called upon to be in Assam ahead of the PM’s visit there…..Perhaps he realized that it is the best way to bring down the prices. As the meme would say Mudhol’s guard and hunt; they are very loyal; All, be like Mudhol!
Have a good weekend and a great weekend ahead in the Promised Land – the New Karnataka.
The author may be contacted at brian@newskarnataka.com
