Dealing with others’ behavior can be incredibly frustrating. Despite our best efforts to guide, persuade, or control their actions, people continue to act independently, which often leaves us feeling upset and helpless. From being excluded from a meeting to being cut off in traffic, we can easily spiral into thoughts about how others are impacting our lives. This is where the Let Them theory comes in.

Coined by Mel Robbins, this theory encourages us to stop obsessing over others’ actions and accept that we can’t change them. Whether it’s a bad driver or a friend staying in a toxic relationship, the mantra is simple: Let them. By accepting that we can’t control others, we free ourselves to focus on our own responses instead. Robbins, whose viral video sparked the movement, released a book, The Let Them Theory, which went on to become a New York Times bestseller.

However, Robbins clarifies that “Let Them” must come with “Let Me.” While we can’t control others, we are responsible for our reactions. This theory also doesn’t apply in cases of harm or discrimination, where speaking up is necessary. Moreover, advocating for yourself, setting boundaries, and addressing repeated violations are still crucial.

Though critics argue the concept is just stoicism in disguise, and some feel it’s too simplistic, experts agree that embracing the idea can lead to peace. Dr. Tchiki Davis suggests that letting go of the urge to correct others allows us to accept them for who they are, and therapist Selene Burley finds the theory particularly useful for those struggling with boundaries.

This approach can be transformative. While it doesn’t provide instant solutions, saying “Let Them” gives you the space to pause, breathe, and focus on what truly matters—yourself.